also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
