Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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