I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my being single is dangerous.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
