i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
where are my eyebrows?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
