Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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