bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
