This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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