I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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