I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
