I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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