i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I met the friendliest cop last night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
