im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was born a porn star she said
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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