It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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