Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
