I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
