i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
