I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
