I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
