I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
