It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just want to make out with him forever
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
