i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the condom got lost in my hair
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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