Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
