bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
