apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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