i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just forgot I was standing up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
