When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
