Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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