I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
