I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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