i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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