sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
