I'm drive I can fine osifer
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
