Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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