Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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