marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And then my night got REAL pukey
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
