bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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