you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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