I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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