true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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