My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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