I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
