this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
