i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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