he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
