:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
