I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize