Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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