What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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