You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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