You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
