**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
barbara walters just said penis...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
