last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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