what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
