Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
