the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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