Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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