normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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