cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
