Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
