return my video game
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
