I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
there is glitter all over my balls
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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