is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize