it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
