dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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