You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just gargled with NyQuil
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
