You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
