I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
