We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
