who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
birth control should be required to get into college
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
