do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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