I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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