Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
