so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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